This life is more then a humbling experiance
Ok well, where to start, the beginning wold probably be a tad bit long winded, the middle would not make sense, and the end, well it has yet to come. Looking for answers can be exhausting, finding them even more. Keeping a smile on your face when you want to explode is yet another example of exhaustion to its fullest. Dedicating every moment of your day to pretending, facing humility, hunger in all ways, fake strength, inner & outer dilemma which only serves to pile more and more as the days go by. What is all this nonsense I speak of? Being without. Without any control over any route your life decides to take.
I have come to the JoeUserCommunity with my head hung low, my heart in my bloody hands and a hunger in my stomache. I have become a statistic in this land we call our home. I am without shelter. My family is scattered in order to see to it that at least my children have a place to lay their heads and feed their bellies. I am not a LOSER, or SLACKER, or even an idiot, I am a women with disibilites living on a government issued income because my doctors will not allow me to work. Because I have only this income to speak of, & I, as many do, am at the mercy of the checks being sent on time, have been thrown to the street becouse my government did not get this money to me on time. Now, as I search on a daily basis to find the help needed to place my family back into a "home", my government is not there to fix the mistake they are responsible for. es, I am angry about the lack of support for people in this circumstance, yes I have a bitter taste in my mouth, but yet I feel that my head should be hung in shame becouse I was unable to protect my family.
It should not come as a surprise that the resources our country has access to, is limited when it comes to taking good care of its own. I gladlyask my Mayor, Governer, President or whomever, to first try and find a way to get to the few shelters availibale, then stay at one when you can get to it. I would like to see them research any availible resources to help a family get off the street only to find that each and everyone of them have a hitch attached which make it even more difficult to get the hell off the streets. I can say this all with a bitter taste of anger running down the side of my mouth becouse I have even gone a few steps further than most, I have gotten in contact with our states Senator, cities Councilman and Mayor's office. Was this to any avail. HELL NO. I am still waiting for a response. Considering I have no phone to be called at, I use the internet as a message post (when I get access to it), and after 2 weeks, still no answer.
Yes, we all are under the impression that there is help out there to be had, that our taxes alone have contributed to those less fortunate. As I said, get threw the red tape and attachments first. Call my a snob, I don't gibve a shit, I will not send my children to the inner city public schools here, I will not live in a community where I will be afraid to walk out of my home, all becouse I have been unable to work becouse of a terminal illness. I have worked hard in my life and done to many things to help others and myself to now be placed wherever there is room. Some may say, well it is better then nothing. Ask yourself, would it be for you? Really? A lifetime spent to make life better for your children and yourself just to have it become fruitless. Oh yes, we could use something, anything as a temporary, transitional stepping stone, but what happens to all that you have built in the meantime? That transitional period of hell, could become more then a short period, or it could take away all that you have taught.
I may be appearant to some that I will not just settle for what I can get, some may believe that I should take what I can get becouse it sounds as though I am living off of them, let me tell you in advance, I am not. I am recieving SS, and that is from working. If I hadn't worked all my life, I would be unable to recieve it, I would only be entitled to county assistance, that would be living off of you. I am a very sick woman & as I pointed out, am not really able to work, but don't think for one minute that I am not looking. In lew of what my doctors say and what my body is capable of, I will still work without doctors consent, when I can find a job. Believe it or not, I have a collage education and the last time I went, I carried a 4.0 GPA. Yes I am in my 40's, I re-entered collage only 4 years ago to better my life. It makes no differance now though. I am not a person who sits back and waits...I am a doer....why am I waiting?????? I have not exactly lived the life of a Saint, nor have I not been exposed to just about eveything you can think of, so I am not a babe in the woods, but at this age, stage in life..this is too much humility and crap for me to have to deal with. I am so damn done with being shook up, mixed up & in the hands of another entitiy which does not care.